I’ve just lost thousands of files in trying to organise my saved files from my old sites. I have back ups, I do, but at what point do I just give up? It’s been 20 years of my work being destroyed- physical, digital, online, and reputational. It’s my time, it’s my health, and it’s my finances that are all destroyed along with it. I think it’s obvious that I’ve been having a hard time, I just don’t think many people know just how hard. It’s not hesitancy, it’s not an attitude, it’s that every time I try to do something it is destroyed by circumstances out of my control. And contrary to popular belief that doesn’t make it easy to ignore.
And given that what just happened (explorer crashing) has happened a few times this week I know I’ve lost even more. Again, I have backups. But the work I did over the last two weeks is now in question. And frankly not just a waste of that time, but created a waste of time going forward. Much more than the weeks I’ve lost given I need to try to rescue those files, and try to work out why there are no restore points on this drive (greyed out- it’s just not an option, when I tried to set up file history what actually happened was files on my drive with the OS were copied to my back up. Probably writing over files the OS just destroyed) hope like hell that I can recover files, scan logs for what caused the crash (almost certainly won’t find it as errors are often meaningless.)
I don’t think people realise these photos are all I have left of most of my costuming history. Physical and digital. That’s why they matter so much.
And that’s just the stuff I can write publicly about.
So if I’m but sharing here or on IG then it’s because my life has just gotten even more difficult. It’s even harder to see anyone in person so that’s leaving me just so very lost indeed.