I’ve been thinking about how to actually write up how to use my book, and use it to teach at the same time. Now that I have the extant patterns to fill in gaps where extant garments don’t exist and vice versa I think my instinct to call my entire pattern collection (including my Victorian era ones) as The Modular Frock.

I want to use this book for my love of printed works and I now have a hook. I think. I really wanted to get some travel in as well because artist travel sketchbooks and personal costume books reveal so much. Sometimes they reveal what local artists omit through familiarity (often seams and stitching) and often reveal what they find challenging through a lack of familiarity.

But obviously my own files of these works has been A Lot to go through, even though it’s been worth it.

This comes back to the tailoring manuals as each guild recorded instructions differently. Trying to work out where they use shortcuts, or even deliberate obfuscation, is a little hard. It’s easier when there are multiple art forms and extant garments of the same type. Even then when you spot that a document does not work as it is you need to work out why.

Meanwhile I’m still stalling all my frocks because fatigue and pain just keep interfering and then everything I need to deal with that is not predictable. I need to be careful to not rupture my achilles tendons so I need to tape and have physio and steroids. The steroids are working on some of the RA pain but doesn’t do anything for fibro. Getting my inflammation settled will eventually work on fibro pain as it won’t be constantly triggered. Fibro works the other way too through time and under treatment.

Yes I’m back in my files and have had a massive burst to do so by finally relenting and listing to Six the Musical. I tend to dread reading or watching or listening to anything related to Anna as it’s pretty hard having this very unique viewpoint. But I’m in love with what everyone from the costume workshop, design, script, music, directors have done they all present the Anna I know from trying to undo my own mistake that has since been part of the misinformation about her.

To be honest I could do a line by line reaction video that would explain all of my work that because I’m not sure how many people realise just how much is condensed into a single song, and some of the roasting/competition each side of it.

So for anyone who wants to play along:

Haus of Holbein:

The introduction to Anna:

Get Down, Anna’s solo:

And the V&A has collected the Aragon costume and I have to admit it’s really got to me. I love it!

So I haven’t shared the Cleves costume- or costumes as it has undergone so many changes- because I’m trying to cite the images to the workshops and the designer and the photographers.

I’m a bit scared to look at my non-historic costumes. In the last year or so all the PVC I have in the form of tape, left over fabric etc, has turned brittle. On fabric this means splitting. The fabric I was going to make my Pink Diamonds gloves from is the same as my Liara Shadowbroker outfit. So I think that’s now a sticky mess like the left over fabric. It’s been gut wrenching to just be in this this position of some of my best work disintegrating. And it’s a rolling thing. It’s why I’m not working on my ToTo costume with all the piping. I know it’s going to do the same thing eventually.

What’s making this harder is how much harder every day tasks are with an ever decreasing set of tools to help.

What I really need is time.

I have 3 monthly blood tests and last week my blood tests all came back bad. Oh no, the stuff I’m personally in control of is actually making me smile. Hello yes, I’ll take nicely shaped red blood cells holding tightly to haem as a very very very VERY good thing. I couldn’t work our why I’m still so exhausted though until I saw my CRP had leapt to 9 along with a leap in white blood cells. So that’s an infection.

Problem is?

I develop walking pneumonia so often that I can’t tell when it happens.

And it’s happened a number of times.

The same is true for new pain.

And I have to accept that actually, we’re not on top of my pain.

My RA didn’t protect me from Fibro, and neither have protected me from Carpel Tunnel Syndrome.

RA is “known” to not affect the spine- usually blood markers and expression of erosion differentiates between RA and AS.

But.

It doesn’t protect me from other forms of erosion.

And I have a little compression in my lower spine.

Right where I experience pain that doesn’t fit my RA or fibro experience.

It has left me in tears, and I didn’t realise I have held back on saying my pain interferes for most of every day.

It’s extremely hard to bring up pain you think is unrelated because it’s such a short precious time you get with your team that you don’t want to waste their time. We *know* how hard our teams work not just for us but all patients.

Crying from pain is not that common for me considering, but my back pain got me there. It feels like my vertebra have been filed sharp and so those edges are pressing into surrounding tissue.

So I have to summon the courage.

It’s scary.

It really is.

But the extreme numbness in my entire legs I get from the same part of my spine means I really have to ask for help.

I realised my little hook into drafting patterns is really has even more applications to really get into understanding the manuals- including the written only sections. But my book was already heading that way because of how I drew the patterns. It’s always the same though. I take a break and focus on something else and then *poof* epiphany!

Well I spent the last few days thinking I could just make a simple version of the Pink Diamonds costume with what I have in my stash of supplies. But no. The more I worked on restoring lost files (from my previous site) the more it bugged me that I was not going to get the same effect- an effect I did get from my previous version.

My research site does cover film costumes, so I’m going to do a proper write up of how and why this effect works. Because if I can be annoyed out of my sleep several days in a row then I think it’s worthy of a proper home.

I also need to draw the Hindi Wedding Dress information I got by being allowed to see her in person- I was allowed to take photos but I’m not allowed to share them.

But what I have is of enough interest that I’m happy to sketch from my photos, which is a fair bit of work compared to tidying up levels and hue and sharing the photo. My sketches of the embroidery could probably be tidied as well- but they are really pretty accurate as I was able to get photos with a ruler.

But that lovely snuggly tired that you get after doing a lot. I love that feeling. It’s very different to fatigue.

Constant fatigue and pain are never easy to explain, so sometimes it’s easy to explain how much I appreciate it when I have more usual experiences.

I love endorphins. I power walk and often belt out or test my classic training because together it’s a great core workout. I do get what I remember as my default endorphin push. It’s great. I love it. My voice gets better too. My Think of Me actually sounds pretty good atm.

I still have limits to how long I can Do, but the bigger issue it the unfortunate massive fibro flare after.

My skin over every muscle that gets a work out winds up feeling bruised. The muscles mostly send out appropriate signals, but if I gently press my skin it does feel like I’ve pushed into a bruise. And that’s from origin to insertion of the muscle too.

If I brush over the skin it feels like brushing over sun burn.

On the plus side because my fibro really does feel like it’s in, on, under my skin topical NSAIDs have some role. I can’t get them to work on my RA, but for fibro? They help.

I can’t just cover myself with diclofenac every moment of every day obviously. But it feels like it works on me like it would on people without fibro.

So that too helps my stress a bit.

It’s the opposite of a limit, it’s being able to know I can extend in one way a little.

I have been very much in the weeds for a while. Pain and fatigue amplify each other. I’ve been struggling to focus and I went on a tidy spiral where I move my stash to access the projects that are most meaningful. So that’s been using energy and ability.

But I do finally have this close to ideal now. Which means I’ve been having fun helping people online by sharing images that yep, I’ve been tidying and cataloguing in the same way. But it does mean I usually can find those images now.

So I’m also working with a set of 64 images covered in frocks worn by named and unnamed women. There are some amazing examples of striped gowns and oh so many half length sleeves with a single loose layer underneath.

And that’s fantastic because these mostly appear on allegorical/ancient figures, but there are a number of them in portraits. So I’m now able to write up part of my research on the frocks I’ve been making with these with even more examples. And make some little cuffed sleeves to match.